a more pressing health concern....

caution: after reading this post you might not look at me the same, which is fine I am only human

I have been battling alcoholism for about a year and the question might be raised why didnt I select this as the health behavior I need to change?

simple, I have been rationalizing my problem to myself for quite some time, I cant anymore, I want to stop lying to myself that it is a problem

no 23, (soon to turn 24) should be battling with this

due to personal hardship this year, I turned to alcohol as a means to, what I thought would be addressing my problem, but obviously that is simply avoidance

my drinking was so bad last semester that many times I came to class buzzed, thinking it would kill all the pain

all the while only exacerbating it, making the lows even lower

one moment in particular, I drank so hard, I blacked out and had to be hospitalized due to alcohol poisoning

someone looking in, would say that I am simply throwing away my life, and it wasnt until this weekend that I began to believe that, saturday I drank so much, my 12 year old brother had to help me to bed

and when I woke up the next morning, I remembered everything, I dont want him to grow up resenting me for not being there for him, for not being better for him, we all need reasons to get up and keep going, my brothers are mine

I have felt so alone for so long, all the while not admitting that I couldnt possibly do all of this on my own

I went to my first AA meeting this past monday, it was heartbreaking because I was reminded of what I could have potentially lost due to my addiction and more importantly, I am using that as my reason for change

the same people who inspire me to change, are the ones who are supportive of that change

to my brothers, I love you with all that I have, and I know that right now I am not 100%, but I am slowly getting there

I also want to be better because I know that I can be, I wasnt accepted into medical school and teach for america, as some sort of random chance, I am capable, but I need to start running in the right direction and this is why I am changing my goal to becoming completely sober

today is day 2 of my sobriety, whoever said change was easy, didnt change the right thing